barriomulas.com - Puerto Rican Motels

Motels.

One of the things I noticed upon arriving to Puerto Rico is the abundance of motels lining the old main roads. "MOTEL BAMBU" and "MOTEL OK" signs line the road as one traverses to and from the Metropolitan Area. At first I brushed them off as motel motels (ya know; the U.S. equivalent of a one story cheap room and shower for truckers and travelers). But no. I was wrong. "Motels" in Puerto Rico are private rooms, often without windows or formal accommodations, which are rented out cheaply to couples to provide a safe, quiet location for sex. The rooms often come with an enclosed garage to protect your vehicle's identity.

"I think I know why there are so many motels here in Puerto Rico" said my college friend Johanna. Johanna was also a fellow Puerto Rican who was raised in the states and had moved back to the island around the same time I did.

"Everybody lives with their aunts, mothers, and grandparents, so whenever they want to have sex with their boyfriends or jevos, they have to escape off to motels."

As the years passed by the subject would come up in conversation. It seems like everybody had gone to one. "I've tried them all.," said one friend. "The cheap ones with no sheets and the expensive ones with hot tubs". "Half of the island was probably procreated in one of those things," another friend joked. I once had a female friend who would escape to a motel with her sex buddy to "pretend" that they were formal lovers for the entire day. "We would lay in the hot tub, lie in the bed, and watch some television."

I just had the following conversation with a friend of mine earlier today:

"You ever been to a motel?"
"Yea. Why?"
"Just to know. Why did you go to a motel?"
"To fuck."
"And you didn't wanna bother family, or something?"
"I didn't have a place to fuck. So... I went."
"How much did you pay?"
"She paid. $35."
"Both live with family?"
"Yea. I went more to do something new, though."

And another:

"You ever go to a motel?"
"Yea."
"Why? No place to go?"
"No. It's fun. Super fun. It's like an adventure. Nothing's wrong with them."

And with a female friend:

"You ever go to a motel with any of your boyfriends?"
"No. Why? I almost did, but found other places to do it instead. Did the cat thing once or twice. The beach house of a friend's parents in Isla Verde helped too. Thought about it, but me da cosa hygiene and stuff."

A co-worker once told me that "if you drive past one of these motels on secretary day, you'll see people lined up outside to get in. Sometimes they'll cover their faces when cars pass so that nobody will recognize them."

Today's issue of Primera Hora published a cover story on motels. While finding humor in reading it my secretary came in. I quickly jumped and changed the page as fast as I could, for I did not feel very comfortable having someone walk in on me while reading a newspaper with a photo of a crude motel room. Ironically, the next page was a large diagram of one of the hotel's "love machines" with quotes from interviewed citizens. Further embarrassed, I turned to the newspaper's mid-page, which was littered with that bank claim small print that nobody ever reads. If she didn't catch me the first time, she must have noticed when she saw me reading pages of bank numbers.

Sarai said:

I know what your getting you secretary on "Sec.Day" jajajaja.. interesting I'm sure these Motels are mainly used to cheat.. Being in paradise doesn't help either making everyone extra aroused.. I would rather be outside myself..

June 21, 2008 5:44 PM

Luis said:

Yea. They are used to cheat.

Many have private garages with doors that close so that passer-byers can't see your car. The payment booths have tinted windows. Motels run ads on how discrete their service is.

It's for people to have sex with folks without disturbing their parents for for older folks to cheat in a secret location.

June 22, 2008 2:45 PM