 Jul
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My (First) Will & Testament
 Permalink 6 comments  Humor , Personal |
I have decided to write a Last Will & Testament. No, no - I'm not considering suicide. It's just that will all these my grandfather's age, my mother's letters, and all these surprise celebrity heart attacks, I thought it was necessary to throw together an improvised will at least until I have enough possessions to write a real one. I've decided to post it online so that it can be easily accessible (if something ever happens, just use my site's "search" feature to track down this post). Enjoy:
- The executor of my will shall be Jesus Hernandez. He's "down". Even though I know this will does not comply with Puerto Rican law, at this point I think it's sufficient to clarify my wishes.
- Any money that I leave behind should go into a special fund. This fund can only be utilized to cover unforeseen health expenses that may arise with my daughter Amaia Gallardo or my girlfriend Crystal Limabaugh. If Amaia ever passes, than the fund should be passed to her offspring to be used for similar purposes. If Crystal ever marries or procreates with another partner, then she is to loose her access to this fund as I will suppose that she will be incorporated into her own family health plan (or at least she should). UPDATE: I have a $250,000 policy that covers loss of life due to travel paid with my Four Seasons card. Just in case!)
- I am an organ donor. Please harvest my body as efficiently as possible.
- I do not want to be sucked of my guts and filled with plastic and chemicals. I suppose that cremation would be an alternative, though I would very much prefer to have my body tossed into some virgin forest so that I could decompose like I'm supposed to. If my friends and family can find a legal way - or an illegal way without getting caught - of doing this, than please go for it. If I must be cremated than please sprinkle me around a plot of rain forest that is guaranteed to never become a mall or a department store. A natural reservation would be an idea, though you never know.
- I do not want a funeral service. No collective crying for me, please. Just act like I'm out of town, or something.
- I want my daughter to retain her last name - just like she would in Puerto Rico. Even if she is adopted by another person or if she marries.
- I want a road or street in Aguas Buenas named after me. I'm not asking for a name in the pueblo as I would be happy with a portion of Carretera 173. Even if it's just the private road to my grandparent's home, that's fine. I just want folks to remember me every time they pass through.
- Any personal belongings, documents, or trinkets that I leave behind that are not covered in this will, shall go into the hands of Crystal Limbaugh. As Amaia gets older, Crystal has the authority to pass some of these personal possessions to her as she sees fit.
- I want my website to stay up. I have a $2,000 life insurance policy on the side that comes free with my membership at a local bank. This should be enough to keep my site running for at least 16 years. I want all writings from my notebooks and computer to be scanned or uploaded onto my site. This will assure that everything I have ever written is still accessible to anybody with Internet. I would like for my offspring to have access to my "official positions" on various issues. Paperwork for this policy can be found in the "health" folder in my file crate. Anthony Chan should be the person in charge of this.
- I want my hard copy CD collection to be given to my friend Brian Glisson. He could appreciate them. I just ask that they are kept in their books and aren't tossed around or left on the floor of his car. These CDs are boxed in Puerto Rico.
- I want my digital music collection to be given to my friend Dave Lennon. He could appreciate them. All I ask is that the collection remain organized through iTunes, as I spent a tremendous amount of time assuring that they are in order. This music can be found on my external hard drive.
- I want my books to be given to Dave Lennon. He could appreciate them and I'm confident that he's the only person who would actually read them. These books can be found primarily in Puerto Rico, though I have accumulated quite a few here in the States.
- I want all of my beats (I mean all - even the ones my friends hope to use) to be uploaded to free Internet web sites such as mp3.com, imeem, last.fm, soundclick, and myspace under a Creative Commons license, whenever possible. I want to assure that all of those 800+ beats that I invested so much time in can be accessible for generations to come. If an MC wishes to utilize one of my beats, then the choice of whether or not they are worthy should be decided by a special commission. This commission shall be composed of the following people: Rafael Roman, Derek Bordeaux, "Obey", and Jason Gardner. If there is ever a tie, than the beat shall not be used by the petitioner. If either of these people have passed or do not wish to form part of the commission, than they can choose a proxy among the following persons: William Santana, DJ Predator, Adam Monica, Beatriz Badillo, or Carolina Rodas. These are all folks in whom I trust to provide good insight on the lyrical skill of a given MC. If among all of these people there are not 4 willing to partake int he commission, than all of my beats shall pass to the public domain. All I ask is that no wack MC utilize my beats. I am sorry to my other friends and crew members for not including them on this list, but as long as you guys listen to folks like Lil' John and T.I. you cannot have dominion over my beats. The original master files of my beats can be found in my portable hard drive.
- Members of my crew cannot call "dibs" on my beats, nor can they request authorization from "the commission". Instead, they have free access to record over my beats on a first-come-first-serve basis. Once a beat is recorded over by a crew member, than the beat should be eliminated from the list of available beats. All I ask is that the quality of the recording be pristine and that it be immediately posted online as a free download. This is to assure that it doesn't sit on a master tape in a drawer for years to come. Top quality stuff only: please do not record stuff on a karaoke machine in your basement.
- My childhood archive of comic books should be inventoried and sold on e-bay. The funding should be included in the health fund set up earlier. Antoine Harvis should oversee this step. Expenses for shipping and e-bay posting can be taken from the final earnings. These comic book crates can be found in my father's attic.
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